Friday, July 25, 2008
The week from hell
Ok, I survived the week from hell. Suffice to say that I am feeling better today than I have all week but I have discovered some things about myself. I don't think I am as tough as I thought. I want this to be done and I want it to be done now. I must be a tough lady, however, because I did survive this week. It was not fun. But, we are amazing creatures. Once we start to feel better, we are able to put the rough times behind us and things look better. We are able to compartmentalize what came before us and deal with it. I have a better idea of what I face for about a week after each treatment. I will probably handle it better the next time, just because I now know that it will pass and I can look forward to that. There for a while, I thought maybe this awful week would stretch into all of the weeks between now and when I finish with chemo. But, the Lord is good, and I now know that is not probably how it will happen. I learned that you can live on pudding, applesauce, jello, and yogurt for a period of time and you won't starve. I learned that generally feeling like garbage takes it out of you and, frankly, I am ok with giving myself permission to hate it. I learned that if your food tastes like metal, you don't feel like eating. Honestly, I have to say, I enjoy a good meal and I am so glad that I am pretty much able to eat now and enjoy it. It's the little things! There's a lot I learned about myself this week- more things than I want or will put in this space. I don't look forward to the coming weeks when I will have to repeat this week. But I am thanking the Lord that this too shall pass and when I start to feel better again after each treatment...I will rejoice and thank the Lord for those things that I am able to enjoy... sharing a laugh with my family, eating a tasty meal, being pain free, and seeing the little things that make life worthwhile.
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7 comments:
I'm so glad you are feeling better, Me. I guess they know what they are doing, and we pray that all your agony will be producing the desired results of NO MORE CANCER at all in your body!
I bought Gilda Radner's book about her ovarian cancer at a book sale and couldn't put it down. Reading it helped me see a little of what you are going through. Glad you are done with week one, and we love you and appreciate you and your family so much. C
Since I can't respond to GopherCong, I'll do it here.
GopherCong, we loved your sweet love story and darling picture! B read it to our newest gopher family and they were pleased. The future gopher leader of that family was very impressed that it was even written, and written so well. Thanks for the touching response to our good news!!!!
...and so much more could have been said. I do wish I could have read the first draft (and read the comments), the one written during an unusually dark moment earlier this afternoon. Like Rosanne Rosannadanna would say, "You know Jane, it's always something." Keep me smiling, Sweetie, I do love the joy you bring into my life.
As we retire tonight you again are in our thoughts and prayers. Know that God gave us our emotions and in His human form used them himself with full gust in the temple. Nothing surprises Him or disappoints Him in our emotions so go for it girl and give it all you can when you need to. Remember we are finite, only He is infinite so don't expect to be perfect. We love you dearly. Gatorgirl
I am so sorry you have to go through this, this disease can make anyone doubt their strengh. The Lord never gives us more than we can handle, and He knows you are more than strong enough.
You are in my thought's and prayers.
Sooz
:You have every right to feel like garbage, Me and hating it!! Keep expressing your emotions, that's good therapy, there is nothing wrong with that. I can imagine how it must wear on you to feel so crappy and it doesn't hurt to feel like life has dished you a bad deal. Even tho we can not know the feeling you are experiencing, you know we are understanding to your feelings and you don't have to be strong for anyone. Keep a diary with all your emotions and your book will help others to deal with theirs. Our prayers are always with you.
Not so fast, Me. Looks like you have a lot more "esplaining" to do before you are out of the hellish woods. So, how's that cancer thing going?
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